Progressive. It's a positive enough word. The Progressive Era in history was a time of huge positive change. People progress through stages in life with successes. To make progress is almost always a good thing, right? So why did my annual visit to the eye doctor end in my having to order new glasses with PROGRESSIVE lenses? I mean, I know I'm 41, but bifocals?!!! That's what the fancy, and did I mention ridiculously expensive, progressive lenses are: BIFOCALS!!! They just won't have the defining line across the lenses (which, I suppose, is progress). "No one will be able to tell you are wearing progressive lenses.", said the very encouraging lady helping me find new frames to support my new lenses. Oh yeah? Will they know when I step a foot too high to get onto a sidewalk? What about when I fall down the steps because I naturally look down to see where I'm going, and the floor magnifies 60 times? Will they know then?
I guess I shouldn't be shocked. I've been wearing glasses since 2nd grade. I'm not a candidate for contacts or lasik surgery, so I should have known that I'd progressed to progressive lenses. I have been squinting through my current non-progressive lenses for awhile. This really is progress, right? I'll be able to see really well, right? Sure, as long as I hold my head at the correct angle.
I'm still ticked. I'm ticked that I have to learn to wear the new glasses; adjust to them over time. I'm ticked that I had to pay a month of daycare money for them. I'm even ticked that I'm already 41. But, most of all, I'm ticked that back in the late 1970s I was told by "experts" that by the year 2010 we'd all be flying around in cars like the Jetsons. You might have seen the same filmstrips in school. So, if no one can fix my eyes without corrective, progressive, expensive glasses, then surely to goodness they've got our flying cars ready to go? I mean, that must be what all the brilliant scientists and inventors have been working on since we still have copy machines that jam, elevators that get stuck, cell phones that lose calls, escalators that stop escalating or de-escalating, computers that get viruses, and clocks that run fast or slow.
I've decided I don't want my progressive lenses--my bifocals. I want my flying car! Where's my flying car?
Nay--"the bifocal lady"
37 minutes ago