Friday, June 18, 2010

I'm too hot!

No, I don't mean hot like a so-called "hottie".  I mean sweating, can't breathe, wishing-for-winter hot.  I'm burning up!!!  I used to enjoy June.  It was the month that got me ready for steamy July and oppressive August.  But, this June in Chattanooga is miserable.  I break into a sweat walking to the mailbox.  Even the local swimming pool is not helping since the water is similar to a bath.  My running routine has been decimated.  I can't get up early enough to go running to beat the heat.  It's still hot at night, so I talk myself out of running then, too.  Okay, maybe I'm just looking for an excuse NOT to run but it's still HOT!  Oh, and did I mention the bugs?  They're ridiculous this year.  There aren't enough bug zappers on earth to clear my yard of mosquitoes, flies, gnats, bees, wasps, and all other bugs that send my children into screaming fits of terror.  They have bug bites in places bugs shouldn't even know about.  I give up.  It's just too hottttttt! 
When I've dared to leave my air-conditioned abode (can't wait to pay that bill for June), I've noticed that the excessive heat brings out the crazies.  Is it that way where you live, too?  I've seen quite a few girls/women wearing clothing articles that should not even be made in their size.  I'm not judging, but someone who loves these ladies should tell them that a tube top and shorty-shorts is not an option.  My retinas are scarred from these encounters.  My 3-year-old son let one lady know at Target when he pointed and sang, "I see your belly!"  I was more embarrassed for her than us.  A full length mirror should be required in every household.  I'm sending that as a bill suggestion to Congress.  "It oughta be a law!"  Just because it's way too hot does not mean you should wear way too little clothing.  And, did I miss the fashion update that the "muscle t-shirt" was back?  Please say it isn't so.  Gentlemen, your armpits are not attractive to women unless you have Matthew McConaughey armpits.  When you have those kind of armpits, please wear the muscle tee.  Until then, spare us.  I'm begging you.
And it's not just fashion crazies.  What's with the loony motorcyclists?  Since it's gotten so hot, I've noticed a lot more motorcyclists out and about.  I guess that makes sense....except that they're covered head to toe in black leather!  A couple of weeks ago, I was driving on the interstate in Chattanooga's rush hour (which is really about 15 minutes of stop-and-go traffic unless there's a fender bender for everyone to rubber neck at and then it's 45 minutes of traffic) when a large man on a large motorcycle slipped in front of me from the shoulder of the road where he had passed several vehicles, including me.  Not surprising behavior here...because it's too hot!  After following this guy for a bit, I switched lanes to pass him.  He couldn't seem to stay in his lane and his speed was too slow for the interstate, even in rush hour.  Then he would speed up and "rev the engine" and then slow back down again.  I was actually concerned that he was having some kind of medical problem the way he was weaving in and out of my lane and I was nervous about passing him.  His head was down and he had no eye on the road.  He only had one hand on the "wheel".  I told my daughter that I might need to call 911 to get him help and then it hit me.  I knew what was "wrong" with him (after all...I do teach high school).  He wasn't having a medical problem....not yet anyway....HE WAS TEXTING!!!  A lot!!!  On a big motorcycle!!!  On the interstate!!!   During rush hour!!!  How he kept that giant machine on the road is beyond my understanding.  I don't think texting while driving (or in my case, just trying to walk) is a good idea, but texting while driving a motorcycle is just plain idiotic-ignoramus-please don't reproduce-stupid!  I was furious that he was putting everyone's life in danger with his actions. 

I told my daughter I was going to take his picture with my cell phone while I was passing the numskull, but that would have caused me to drive as recklessly as he was (since I couldn't seem to unwedge the cell phone from my pocket because of the seatbelt).  I finally passed him and gave him my best "you are a complete moron" stare...THAT would teach him.  Then I remembered I have "drug-dealer dark" tinted windows since we bought our car from a wonderful retired south-Floridian couple (my parents) where window tinting is a must because of the heat.  He wouldn't have seen my "death-look" anyway; he was still texting.  Must have been a really important series of texts...life or death, I'm sure.  Stupid heat. 
As if one insane motorcyclist is not enough in Chattanooga, a few days ago I watched with horror as a young man, in a black leather jump-suit, on a bright yellow motorcycle did a movie-like stunt while traveling through one of the busiest, and most dangerous, intersections in town.  He STOOD UP on the seat of his motorcycle with his arms straight out, like he was a track star crossing the finish line first, while traveling 40+ mph through a 6-lane intersection in heavy traffic.  I screamed as he passed in front of my car.  I thought I was having a hallucination.  He then grabbed the handlebars and jumped on the right side of the bike and pulled the bike down on top of him without ever touching the ground or wrecking.  Somehow, he got the bike upright and sat right down on it as if nothing had happened.  He popped a "righteous" wheelie and disappeared from view.  It was like a circus act or some stunt show at a monster-truck event (not that I've been to one of those...I'm just assuming).  I, talking to myself outloud...in the car alone, was letting him have it as if he were my own son.  It's a good thing I was too stunned to chase him down and give him a piece of my mind.  I'm sure it would have changed his life for the better.  I was kind-of-in-awe of him, though.  The punk.  Stupid, too hot, heat.  Makes people crazy!
Stay cool (and sane).               

1 comment:

  1. lol. people are so not with it sometimes. it scares me that they have a drivers lincese!!!! & texting and driving so not cool!!! i don't even talk on the phone anymore while driving..i got my car totaled while i was in college bc i was on the phone!! never again.
    & it is soooo hot..bring on Oct.

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